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This is an earlier draft from Bush II written in October 2008 at his Crawford ranch, on what qualifies a person to be President. Wow, I had no idea! Enjoy!!
What it Takes to be President: by GWB
First you must be smart but not too smart. A C+ average at best. You must have a rich Daddy, or at least one with some "ties" so you can go to the finest schools. I personly chose Harvard, they said no, but my Daddy has "ties" and I got in.
You need to choose, or rather, make a choice, what you will study. I chose Business, not because Law was too hard, but because I don't really care about law. Laws aren't for people with money or for people who have Daddies with "ties". Just ask my brother Neil, or JEB, his real name is John, but we call him JEB 'cause JOHN is what we call the outhouse's here in Texas. You gotta do good in school, so you can be learned how to cumuunikate good and say words right. I did good in school, I got a D++ and a gold star from my Prof...Pro..my teacher. All my instructicators said I wouldnt pass, but I showed them.
When you get out of colidge, you need to run some sort of money making business. Bein' from Texis, I chose oil. Yep, I "worked" my way to the top. Then I played a little trick on them. I made the other people at the cumpny think that I didn't know what I was doin' so they would fire me and give me a big sevrence check. Then my Daddy got me another job and I did it again. You know what they say, fool me once, shame on me..uh..er you. Fool me a second time, um..um yur a fool. Haha, that's it.
Then you need sum Politicul experence. I chose Govner of Texus, cuz it's big and has oil. Summone told me Alaska was bigger and had more oil, but its just too darn cold for me on the east coast. Bein the GUV of texus gave me tons of exper..expeer... expertification. Speshly with fourin polacy. Hell, Texus is right next to Mexco, all you gotta do is look out yer front window, or in my case the end of the driveway and you will see tuns of Mexkins. I never lerned to speek Mexkun, masterification of the Inglush langwudg was hard enough. You need to be 'THE GUV' for at least 9 year....Hold on John's sayin' sumthun. "John" hehehe, what a funnee name..Sorry..John says 18 months, really, 18? Whew glad it only took me nine. What's that J.M. 18 munths is only a year and a half? You meen I could have becum The Prez in only a year and a haff.
The fineul thing that qualif...qualu...fize you to be the Prezdent is you gotta be roothluss. (or at least make people think you are). Look at Dick (unuther funney name) he looks all seereus, but underneeth he's a real jokestur. Haha, like the time he sed Soddum had all those wepuns, hahaha April fools! gotcha!! And the time he shot his best friend with the bird shot and convinced the other guy and the rest of the people it was an axident, and then the guy apauligized for bein' in the way, even thow he was behind Dick. HEHE. See what I meen, a great since of humur and he acted all roothless and the guy apologized to HIM.
And last, but not lastly, you gotta have a firm grasp economix, as well as munee. And maybe even the economy. And numbers, and the numbers of money, or at least how much you have and can afford to spend. For example, or Por eehemplo, ha, fooled ya I do spreken zee Mexcun. Any ways, If only 5% of the country ar milunairs, and 96% of the countrey are reglar, or as I like to call them "unledded", it's their resp...rispons..it's there job to pay the most in to the country. After all 96% is bigger than 5%, isn't it? We should be able to raise ten times more money because 96 is ten times more than 5. and those 5% need their money so they can hire more people overseeze and help to support anuther countree, which meens their muney is doin' double dutee. It suports them and another country, strengthinin two economies.
Whew, this stuff is harder than it looks people. And lastly, but not in the least, you need a good nickname. Somthun people can remembur you by. I have had sevral over the years. I orig...origi...firstly wanted "King George" But sumone said that was already took by some foriner, so I settled for "W". I have also bin called "The Decidre" I reely like the way that wun sounds, "The Decidre", the person who Desides..The desission maker. See we really don't need no congressmen or senators, we already have "The Disider".
